Where kindness starts and ends for anxious minds - World Kindness Day 2025

Today, November 13th is World Kindness Day.  Globally observed, the day is dedicated to promoting and celebrating acts of kindness.  It reminds us of the positive impact kindness has on individuals, communities and the world at large.  Working with anxious minds and with those struggling with stress and conflict and having experienced all this myself, I’ve noticed that kindness matters – a lot - and can be noticeable in its absence for people in these situations. 

Exploring what matters to the people I work with and talking about how they want to show up in the world, many cite kindness as a core value to guide them through life. Most humans want to show understanding, to cooperate and to create a caring world – this fundamental quality has guaranteed our survival as a species.  However, the stress and strains of the modern world, the constant distraction and busyness remove us from the presence required to truly show empathy and understanding to others.  Noticing distraction, setting an intention to give someone our undivided attention and consciously performing an act of kindness – a kind word, sending a message to show we care, volunteering to work with strangers - demonstrate how awareness of our own present moment experiences and then committed action and behaviour take us closer to our values. 

Secondly, many of us under stress demand kindness from those around us and often this occurs as an internal conversation, unknown to others. This is where it gets painful.  Spotting our distorted thinking in these situations can be helpful.  For example, the tendency to make inflexible demands of others means we expect fair treatment, recognition and respect when it may not be possible for people to give for a variety of reasons.  Try asking is there another way to look at this? Learning assertive communication skills can also help us articulate our needs more clearly and create relationships based on respect rather than people-pleasing or blame.

Finally, the diatribe of unhelpful automatic thoughts are well-trodden footpaths through the forests of anxious and depressed minds.  These minds often lean towards unkind self-criticism and believe what they think is true.   Kindness must start and finish with ourselves to stand a chance of extending authentically to others.  Belief in this gets lost in the negative appraisal of ‘self-care’.  If the ultimate intention is to extend our kindness beyond ourselves then this is not a selfish act.  It doesn’t mean spending lavish amounts of time and money on self-betterment and perfection, but it can mean kindly asking:  What do I need here, if I’m responsible for helping rather than judging myself?  Would I talk to my loved one, closest friend or beloved pet in this way?  And is there a kinder version of this thought?

So, kindness can be a guiding principle, today and throughout our lives but it requires presence and committed action. Receiving kindness from others often means a change in our expectations and how we communicate.  And to show genuine kindness notice how you speak to yourself and make it your first act of kindness to be gentle with your self-talk.